I lived in Galway seven years ago. I worked as a journalist for the newspaper Gaelscéal. I got the job straight after college and I had about a week to find somewhere to live, move to Galway and start the job. I knew that I would need a car for work so I also had to get back behind the wheel after two years of a break. I went back to Dublin every weekend for 3 months or so looking for a car to buy and there were plenty of times that I was being dropped to the bus by my parents with tears in my eyes. I was going back to a city where I didn’t really know anyone and despite the fact that I loved the job, it wasn’t enough.

Seven years on and I am moving back to a city that I have a little more information about but again, I don’t know many people here. I do know more now then I did then but still…I don’t know the people I live with, I don’t have a routine and I don’t even have a workplace to go to. I am on my period and I didn’t sleep well the night before and I am putting some of the blame for my tears yesterday as I left Dublin on those things.

I was at home for five weeks but between work and looking for somewhere to live in Galway I didn’t spend a full week there. I met three friends during that time but I mostly spent my time with my parents; mainly my mother. I get on well with my mum and I really like the relationship we have and she was the reason for my tears yesterday, although she didn’t know that…or about them. She was on the phone to my sister who has just arrived in Australia at the time so I managed to hide them from her. An old tradition of mine…I remember getting bad news and refusing to talk to her about it purely so that I wouldn’t cry in front of her.

As we grow up we take on different roles within the family. The role I took on was the person who is strong and doesn’t need to be looked after, the person who is always fine so it is fairly normal for me to not say anything at home when things aren’t going well for me. I think I am embarrassed for my emotions when I am at home. When I was younger they used to ask me why I was crying and my reasons never seemed to be ‘good enough’ so I just stopped crying in front of them. I think it is interesting that I feel like this when I make a living teaching people that all of their feelings are OK and that there is nothing wrong with feeling a certain way. I guess it is easy to say these things and old habits die hard…

It was interesting for me yesterday, seven years on and more then that amount of years spent not living at home but yet I still just want to stay with my mum. I did notice the same thing happening a few times when she was leaving me to the bus to Belfast, I didn’t want to leave. But at the same time I know that Galway is where I am meant to be right now…