Setting Boundaries

by | Self-care

Growing up I was surrounded by a lot of people that didn’t have my best interests at heart and up until a year and a half ago, most of these people were still in my life.

Having unkind people around me growing up meant that I assumed that people being mean was normal. I thought that people who loved me bossed me around, told me what to do and always ignored my needs and wants and I thought that was normal and just how it was.

It’s not. Over the past year and a half I have made sure these mean, unkind people have had less and less access to me. I have been putting strong boundaries in place for my own good, even when it felt like I was suddenly being the mean one for doing it. I think I probably had this thought because these unkind people told me so, amongst other lies about me and who I am and what I was doing.

I had to ignore them and for the first time in my life, put myself first and it felt uncomfortable and strange. I had to keep reminding myself that they had been unkind to me so I was allowed to decide if they stayed in my life or not.

I had lots of varying responses to my boundary setting and they varied from the unkind and unpleasant to absolutely awful and scary.

I had a bullying campaign started against me which included three solicitor’s letters, things being posted to my house and someone I didn’t want to see just showing up at my house. Other responses were things like awful text messages telling me how unfair I was being, constant requests to meet people I had asked for space from but a lot of blocking and a year and a half later I feel so fantastic. My life is so so good and I am delighted that I set those boundaries with those people because I, as much as anyone else, deserve kindness.

I also have confirmed to myself that I am really good and setting and holding boundaries.

Christmas is a time that people can find it difficult to set boundaries, or a time that you are filled with guilt because of boundaries that you have set. This is my reminder to you that it is okay for you to say no to things just because you want to. It is OK for you to put yourself first, no matter what others say or think of you.


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