Saying goodbye

by | Changes

‘With change brings grief but don’t let that grief make you think that the change is a bad thing.’

I saw that quote at the weekend and it really resonated with me. For the last while this move is feeling very close and now it is close. In less then a week I will be moving out of my home here and I am starting to say goodbye to a lot of things.

I went to a dance class last night. The class takes place at the top of the Ormeau Road every Monday  and I have been going for over two years now and I love it! This year I was doing a course on the same night as the class so I couldn’t go. Last week was my first night back and I kind of regret going back. This is something else I have to say goodbye to. I said goodbye yesterday; goodbye to the other students, the teacher and the different dances we learnt.

I was thinking as I went in the door yesterday that I could have avoided all of that. I didn’t have to go back which meant I didn’t have to say goodbye to it. I don’t like being the centre of attention, I don’t like when everyone is talking about or to me. It would have been easier to just not go back but then I would have felt guilty, I would have wondered what if…

I realised this past summer that I decided when I was really young that I wasn’t important. I believed that everyone else around me was more important and that I wasn’t very valuable in comparison to them. This belief has been a big player in my life. I have made decisions up until this point based on this belief without realising it. Now I want to get rid of it, but as a belief it’s very deeply rooted and it’s not easy. One thing that I am doing is to notice times that prove to myself that I am important, I’m noticing times that other people recognise my importance and I am slowly dissolving my warped belief. This is why I knew that I had to go back to the dance class, this is why I want to tell people that I am leaving, this is why I will be uncomfortable but  I will keep going into the discomfort until it is comfortable.

I love finding out these things about myself because it then means that I can change it. Just because I believe it doesn’t make it true. As I teach my mindfulness students; just because it is a thought you have, that doesn’t make it true.

I have to say goodbye to kickboxing classes tonight…

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